BRAIN INJURY 101: Self Care for Spouses
There is nothing more important for a spouse/caregiver to do for their brain injured loved one than to take care of yourself. If you are running on empty, you have nothing to give. Tensions rise. Tempers flare. Resentment and bitterness begin to creep in. The environment gets unhealthy really quick. So, what do you do?
Get as much help as possible
Whether that help comes from service providers, other family members or from your church, don’t be a “Lone Ranger”. Going it alone will only put unnecessary pressure on your health and your marriage. When my husband underwent cancer treatment the summer of 2005, the Deacons from our church took him to his appointments for the first few weeks, so I wouldn’t have to miss work. Work became my respite, a time away when I didn’t have to worry over him.
My husband, on the other hand, had help when I was in rehab at Craig Hospital in Denver, not only because of the awesome staff, but because we also had family support, as our oldest son lives only minutes from the rehab hospital.
Exercise
No matter the kind of exercise, do it. Walking, working out at the gym, organized sports. When I was in rehab for my SCI (before my mTBI diagnosis), my husband worked out at the hospital’s gym as well as refereeing adult ice hockey. I walk. Albeit, not as much as I should, but when I do, the fresh mountain air clears my mind.
Prayer, meditation and Bible Study
Let’s face it, we need help. And who better to ask than our Savior, Jesus Christ. Paul’s letter to the Philippians tells us, “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your request be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” Phil 4:6-7 NKJV
Jesus was the ultimate suffering servant, so what better way to gain new perspective but to participate in some sort of Bible Study regarding how to handle suffering. As stated in the previous article, http://www.pamdepuydt.com\brain-injury-101-self-care\, Precept Ministry International 40-Minute studies are good. Check out this link to their on-line store: (https://shop.precept.org/pages/by-series) for more information.
Respite Care
Let’s face it, time away to yourself is always good. Whether it be grabbing a coffee with a friend or a weekend away, you need it. If possible, arrange time away for you to relax and get away from your everyday responsibilities. It helps to be able to leave your home, but now during this time of “sheltering in place” for many of us, this may not be possible. However, if you are able, if even for one evening, arrange for help for your loved one and do it.
Diet and rest
Just like your brain injured loved one, you also need a proper diet and rest. Since you may be the one preparing all the meals and watching out for your family’s nutritional needs, you are already on top of things here. But, what about sleep? Are you on a schedule (as much as you can be)? Schedules are not only important for one who is recovering from a TBI, but also for the spouse.
Reading, playing games, puzzles, gardening, crafting or needlework
Your self-care may be as simple as putting together a jigsaw puzzle, having a family game night or playing cards with your loved one. In our home, we have an on-going cribbage game, tallying the wins for each of us over the course of the year. And don’t forget the gardens! Something about playing in the dirt is quite therapeutic. If you are into crafting, needlework, scrap booking or reading, enjoy those hobbies. The options are endless.
Conclusion:
Whatever you choose to do to take care of yourself, please take the time to you need for yourself. Sometimes, all you need is a listening ear. Someone to let you know you are not alone in this journey. If this is you, give me a shout out at pam@pamdepuydt.com. I would love to connect with you.
You are not alone.
“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion,” Ecclesiastes 4:9-10a
